All Because I Smiled at a Stranger

Master planner, creative and wild
Orchestrating the minutest of details
Chance happenings are nothing but a lie
Caring always for our good
Setting the courses of the masses into collisions
All for your glory, your light shining into the dark
Provision in prosperous and ephemeral times
Peace and rest if we trust
Unseen doors revolving, guiding the twists and turns of our lives
Human circle expanding or circle shriveling
Still the beats of footsteps linger in my ear
Marching onward they grow fainter
Until silence pervades on the edge of another day

- From the Words of Friends -

I am not feces.
I am not un-human.
I am not a mistake.
I am not trash.
I am not sick of “ill.”
I do not deserve to be your object of taunts, rejection, and jokes.
I do not deserve your emasculation.
I do not deserve your inequality.
I do not need to be “fixed.”
I am not broken.
I am not prissy or a sissy.
I am not justified in killing myself because of my homosexuality.
I am not expected to hide my public displays of affection.
I am not going to accept a life lived out in fear because of your homophobia.
I will not accept the rejection and defeat of my culture.
These are the lies that daily I must face and fight.

HOMOSEXUAL

Here I am,
Oppressed in my own nation
My manhood (or womanhood) mocked and not validated.
Objections arise to how I live my life.
Since when did my private sexuality become your public concern?
Ears turn toward mouths that tell lies of what being “gay” means
X-cept ... hmm ... I thought it was “accept”-ance that America was founded on.
Understanding and love is what I seek just as you do,
And yet still the global masses try to keep us in the closets and allow our history and
culture to be muted.
Let love and not hate, persecution, or rejection arise against the queers, dykes, and
fags, we who are your equal brothers and sisters of humanity.

Will I Absorb?

Will I, can I, absorb the cost of these
words which cut into me nearly bringing tears?
Before you stood your very own murderers,
yet you said nothing.

Four words of joy spoken into my friend’s life;
a changed countenance and unsolicited commentary.
You let them hit you and spit
their saliva and lies upon you.

I wonder, I know, I will accept this
unintended hurt.
They beat you ripping your skin apart
until you were unrecognizable.

I listen not wanting to fight or argue
saying only what is vital for mutual comprehension.
Below you they mock and scoff.
“Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

The door softly closes as I leave
only out of necessity to take care of urgent business.
Forgiveness and healing enter
eternally into the fabric of the human world.

Each step takes me further away. I resolve to absorb
and not let imaginary conversations with you pervade my cerebellum.
“Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Beloved friend, you do not yet understand
the source of my love for you or how deep it extends.
Please, let your blinded eyes be opened.
Do not let this opportunity to see me embodied pass you.
Allow a wrestling in your heart to pervade until you are drawn to me
and into my Love.

Desperate Conversations With Peace

“Why?” cries the little boy. “Why was I made this way?
Why do I merit scorn in your eyes from myself and the people you’ve created?”

“Do I hate you? Is that your conclusion?
My child, I do not hate my most treasured creation.”

“At school I am mocked, and I must lie to my mother so that I can learn
From older men how to please these urges of my body and theirs.”

“You are forever beloved and always my child.
And those urges you speak of, I created them in holiness.”

“I cannot live my true identity.
My mind is a swirl at times with thoughts of suicide.”

“Your truest identity is in me. And though you go to the deepest of pits,
Still I am there with you.”

“I know no one like me. I live in fear and simply want to be normal
Like the rest of humanity. Oh rid me of these desires!”

“There has never been anyone like me either, and I too have felt great anguish.
To die to self and to trust in Me is to find the freedom you wrestle painfully now for.
You are loved my dear one.”

First Musings of Being in My Friend’s Shoes

What must it be like to be hated
And feared by the masses,
To be misunderstood, stirring and drawing unfounded
Lies out of the hidden recesses of mankind’s hearts?

What is love? Is it a sensation, an overpowering
Urge, reserved only for romantically garnished bedrooms?
Why must friends tell non-truths and daily live double lives
Because of unknown evaluations of partners with matching chromosomes?

Out of hatred and oppression, seeds of love
And complete acceptance come.
They --- in the lack of rejection --- shame and
Indict their mockers.

Love, it is true, is all we need despite
That it --- the greatest of all gifts, love --- is not all we give to others.
Love, not merely a word, but so much more;
Let it captivate you, redefining your entire being.

Contemplation of the Resurrection (Is. 52.13-53.12, Ps. 22)

Let your death and resurrection sink in deeply to my heart. May I feel ...

tender Compassionate Light Forgiveness the cross
Death Humiliation paradigm shift Betrayed Crushed
movement Anguish STRIPES Peace Thorns lamb
violence Covenant Delivered pain sword splitting history
Afflicted.


Up from the resurrection, your disciples thought and dealt with ...

scared tears REJECTED Was it all worth it? Weeping
Distraught failure Have I just foolishly wasted three years of my life?

Stronger

There was no sin that could hold back
my Jesus from the cross.
My Jesus is stronger than anything!

He says to us, “I love you! I cannot
live without you!”
My Jesus is stronger than anything!

Though I am helpless, I am
truly very loved.
My Jesus is stronger than anything!

Lessons From Homosexuality

One slip of the tongue
One comment from a not-so-random stranger
Leads to paradigm shift
Ironic, this shift, my mind is centered back
on my prevalent topic of prayer today

For thousands of years, we’ve gotten it all wrong
For LOVE is what it’s always been about
Yet today seeing the Stonewall Inn and nearby sculptures,
I was powerfully reminded that homosexuality is what
is known for openness, love, and amicability

Why are Christians not known as the “people of love”?
Is it the lingering bad taste of the Crusades, the Inquisition,
abortion clinic bombings, and protest signs spewing “God hates gays!”
What will it take for us to look beyond our differences and reach
out in sincere, unconditional love?
Will we in grace and supernatural strength rise up, moving beyond
fears, perceptions, and pre-conceived notions?

Jesus, forgive us for our hatred and the harm we’ve done time and
time again to our brothers and sisters.
Teach us to love well and empower us to crush wrong mentalities.
Renew and restore and open blind eyes.
Teach us to forgive well. Teach us to love well.

Etheree

What
will I
do to help
those who are the
thrown away people, like trash
they are overlooked and not
valued, laughed at, ridiculed.
Why do I not see them as my
brothers, sisters, friends, mother, father?
Lord, let me not take out the trash today.

Stolen By My Lover

With one glance of my eyes, I have stolen my lover's heart,
and like the master planner he is, he has orchestrated my plans so that we are alone.

I know that all he ever does for me is out of love
and yet, I feel the tears coming yet again at what he has orchestrated.

A simple day out for what I had planned as fun
turned into a series of disasters that left me fighting to pursue his loving thoughts about me.

Though hard to miss clothed in blood red fabric
I am invisible to those around me except for men whose eyes I want to look away.

Loneliness and hunger grow, and yet,
Choice after choice lead me to greater despair.

I feel so foolish crying over what shouldn't be a big deal.
My "drama" in truth is trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Nevermind what the mind knows as truth.
It is the heart that leads now and pulls back unwilling to my lover's draw.

Why does this foolishness hurt?
Why can't I let go of what is insane trivialness?

I am sorry lover that I am a poor object of your affection now.
Yet here I sit waiting to have your banner spread over me.

I can't hold back the tears though I feel I should.
It is painful to mature and learn that you are my joy.

Even still, woo me. Let our intimacy be passionate.
Penetrate deep within until there can be nothing but your joy pouring forth.

I am sorry lover. I am sorry that I fail you and reject you even now.
Come have your garden, your sister, your bride and be intoxicated.

Let us become one anew,
and in our intertwining and restlessness, bring new life.

Blow on my garden
that its fragrance may be spread abroad.