Be

Be
simply be
that is ALL I want
from you
simply loving
simply praising
simply giving
simply sitting with me
just getting to know me better
and letting me love you

Polyrhythms

Polyrhythms pulsating
Delighting, enrapturing my soul
Beautiful blending
Captivating, awakening joy within
Shouts sounding
Filling, thickening the air
Inspiration invading
Scandalizing, are we foolish?

king praising KING

The dum, dum, doom of the djembe
rolls into my ears
People swaying and dancing for
you alone
Hands raised in praise to you
... and it takes me back
Year upon year rolls back
until they number the thousands
And there before me is King David
dancing for you alone
king praising KING
without royal garb upon him
knowing that his actions and heart
were right before you
in that moment ...
it all makes me smile
As silent words to you go
inaudibly I sit content
My heart bowed, inspiration before me,
birthing poetic praise
Delighted because I get
to simply see my friends worshiping

Little Broken Pot

Little broken pot
you were perfectly created and
are beautiful
But time had come to
smash you and
join you with the other broken pots
Once a lovely clay pot
now you are millions of colorful tiles
each one added carefully,
full of love to the others,
and so becoming
a timeless tile mosaic
that takes the Artist's breath away,
enamored by the beauty
and joyfully mindful of the
individual worth and need for every single tile
in the priceless living creation.

Warrior Princess

Flowing gown as you sit astride a horse
as white as snowflakes
You are lovely and yet not ignorant;
You have come prepared for battle
Shield in hand, reigns in the other,
you gallop into the battle
And so it begins, and the bloodshed
quickly follows
Unswerved you charge and slash you
deadly sword into the hearts of enemies
Fall, fall, corpess lying upon the just-barely-living laying on the ground
Holy fury has come upon you and so
you wage a love war
And do not I ride with you enraptured

Sacred L♥ve

Oh sacred love, I will fight for you
I will die for you, I will worship you.
Your love is immense, indescribable, and
unconditional. Let such love arise in me!
Let me trust in such love. Let me freely give it away.
Let me ALWAYS be ravished by you.

Tsunami

Sadness engulfs me like a tsunami
and pierces me like a mystery.
I want to just cry, and cry, and cry
until my tears sweep me away like a raging rapid.

Do not hold me any longer sadness
let your visceral grip be loosed
Set me free from this torment
do not mock me any longer.

Fallen Star

Fallen star, once shining bright
Now plummeted to the dirt you are
Gaping hole, digging deep, exposing the layers
Metamorphic, igneous, molten
Where life once lived, you have created a pit
Barren desert, blown by wind
Muffling all the furious, uncomforted shouts
That spill forth from my mouth, lungs, and heart
Fallen star
You are nothing more than a burnt out space rock now
Your glory kidnapped by Orion as you sank

Make Out

Dark night of the soul
We made out together last night
Your hands upon my thigh and nape
My red lips upon your icy, blue ones
Turning forbidden passion into pleasure
Lighting flames in one another
Or so I thought
Only to awake, from this awful dream
Robbed of sleep and rest
To find my idol smashed
Upon the floor
And light's first rays outside my window

Wilberforce

I'm in WAY over my head
but my heart won't let me just sit back.
Its strings have been pulled,
compelling me to join the fight that started long ago.
Like Wilberforce I must attack, little by little,
until it ALL crumbles.
Fighting for justice,
fighting for those without voices and equality.
I cannot just sit back. I cannot let another
sister or brother drown and die from the massive tidal wave.

Fading Flower

Today I am a fading flower
feeling each of my petals be ripped out and then fall, fall, fall
DOWN.

My chlorophyll, my passion and life,
has dried within and become as hard as
amber.

Fragrance once strong and beautiful
invites no passing bees because my intoxication has grown
unsmellable.

Because You Chose "No"

What would our life be
like if you had said "yes"?
I wonder now as I think of you
and of a marriage that never came to be.

I miss you, cut off forever
from the love and intimacy so desired.
I mourn the loss of our shared emotions
and deep friendship.

But how do you go back to simply
being friends?
I could not find that path,
and so I left you to journey alone.

Find oh my love your completer
and let all your pain pass.
Let the fear which has held you back
be cast out by Perfect Love.

Underneath this tree

branches spread, I look up staring upon natural beauty
like a lover drawn to his bride I am drawn to you.
How were you made? Are you older than I?
Your beautiful verdant leaves spread abroad
crown you like jewels in a noble lady’s crown.
Looking at you soothes my soul and makes me forget
the noise all around me. I am at rest under you.
You are quite the treasured gift to me.

Valley Walk

Into the valley I descend,
the valley of loneliness and darkness.
It calls me forth, each step painful.

I see no light at the tunnel's end.
I do not see or hear the lovely birds flying overhead.
Despair seems my only friend.

Will I come out on the other side of this valley
or will I die along the journey?
The answer escapes me now.

Prostitute

Tonight a prostitute, I think, sat next to me.
I was sleepy, but out of all the places to sit, she chose by me.
And so we rode, side by side, until we both exited at Franklin Ave.

I tried not to look upon her, but not because she was ugly.
She was beautiful, though I kept wondering if she was truly a he in drag
because, in truth, sometimes they make more lovely women.

I kept thinking too of the former prostitutes I had befriended over the summer.
I prayed for her to believe in her dignity and to see herself as beautiful.
How easy it is for us to misjudge the prostitutes as "beneath" us.

LOVE

Out of prayerful passion, these words came. For my lover and for you ...


Unconditional LOVE.
Even when I am in the acts of falling,
my beloved bids me, "Come away with me my love!"

When my heart turns to the foolishness of the world
and accepts and even longs for superficial self satisfaction
my beloved forgives and with longing eyes bids me, "Come away with me my love!"

What right have I to judge others,
to do anything except LOVE when I act just like them countless times.
I have no right, no debt to pay, but that of LOVE.

Like a child, I am faltering to grasp
what those simple four letters mean.
LOVE, unconditional LOVE, just beginning to learn.

Passion poured forth, not in self gratification
but in death, a death meant for me.
LOVE, unconditional LOVE, just beginning to learn.

Though I will fail and clouds will come to darken my way
He will strengthen me and raise me from the ashes, my best abilities.
Oh my beloved LOVE, consume me and fill me with all that is you.

Heartsick

Heartsick.
I know I am not alone in feeling these things, but that doesn't make it any easier.
More than emotion wells up inside me now.
I sit with sadness and longing thinking of you wondering where you are and when we will meet.

Words cannot capture how badly I want to be with you in this moment.
To have your strong arms wrap around my body and hold me safe inside your gentle grip.
To feel your fingers run through my hair.
To let our lips meet in passion and transmit love through our supple kisses.

Pushed nearly to the verge of breaking down in tears as I await you.
My love, my lover, my husband for life, please come quickly.
I offer you my unconditional love looking beyond past and current faults and flaws to simply accept you.
I pray that you will offer the same to me, but even if you don't, still I offer these gifts to you for our lifetime.

Unconditional love.
It has changed me this week as I think I finally grasped what it means.
That lofty knowledge propels me to you and desire for you.
Please come quickly, my love.

Unfinished Song

(Chorus)
She’s got a smile that moves mountains
brings hope to dark spaces
It radiates from cheek to cheek
and one day it’s grace
will change places

She’s going to turn the world upside down
spin it like a globe on it’s side
And when she’s righted all the wrongs she can
into Heaven’s gates she’ll glide ... ‘cause

(Chorus)
She’s got a smile that moves mountains
brings hope to dark spaces
It radiates from cheek to cheek
and one day it’s grace
will change places

Marching to a different drummer

Untitled

She walks down the street
all dressed up, walking in grace
looking so lovely in lace.
She's beautiful, she's beautiful
she's beautiful ... and she knows it.

Victory Eternal

As I stand here and gaze
upon rebirth, I am transported 8 years.
I hear the screams of agony and confusion
until they fill my ears and make my head throb.
Ash falling upon my skin, filling nostrils,
re-coloring pigment shade upon shade grayer.
Brother running for brother, confused
passengers on the subways below mystified
as to why their trains have jolted and stopped.
Panic, sheer panic, and pain surging through our arteries.
And then the bodies begin to fall.
Curiosity leads to relief and gratitude for
inconveniences in monotonous routines and guilty graces.
Parched lips thirsting to be free of the tastes of dust and blood.
Eight years later ... eight scar-laden years later.
Never a day has there not been victory here,
here at Ground Zero.

Thinking

Thumb and middle finger parallel on my chin
Index finger pressing in to pursed lips
Eyes down or staring out seemingly into space
That is how I sit thinking

I wonder if people think I'm crazy.
Is anyone even looking at me?
And so I sit, and sit, and sit
seemingly doing nothing but thinking all the while.

Thinking, that mysterious art that solves enigmas,
That way which breathes peace into tense times,
The mode which resurrects childhood truths and images.
I sit thinking, understanding the power I wield.

Letter to Robert

Dear Robert,
Each day comes as you try and live
existing in three prisons ---
prison of the soul, prison of sin, and
the one your fellow humans built for you.
Turmoil swirls around and within as you
long for a rebirthed life.
Yet, my dear beloved brother,
you already hold the your own cell's key to freedom.
It pains me to know that you
haven't already accepted this.
Though others pained you and misused you,
trust me dear brother Robert.
Love, unconditional love,
despite all that you are good or bad,
despite all the turns life has presented to you,
love my brother, is the key which you possess.
Fight the doubts that say it isn't true
and believe.
The door is already open.
With love,
your sister Amanda

Beloved Beautiful Homeless

Hello Beloved Beautiful Homeless
I do not know your name but
today I sat next to you
side by side, my bench and yours,
and smelled you as I watched
the pigeons and small birds
eating casually in the shady, sage-green grass.

Beloved Beautiful Homeless, I
have a question to ask you.
Why do you wear thick, fluffy, fleece pants
so very faded when it is 80F out today?
Is it because the nights are much colder
as you sleep out on these tired and tiring wooden benches
gazing up at the picturesque starry night sky here in Union Square?

You remind me of how my grandfather
looked before he died, Beloved Beautiful Homeless.
He too sat quietly avoiding conversations
all around choosing to stare and stare
and stare blank-faced into the world around him.
I loved him dearly and wonder what he must
have been thinking those many days; it is likewise with you

Fly Bird Fly

Oh caged bird now set free
flying high
soaring towards the wonderful aroma of freshly cut grass

Your wings carry you well
and make you graceful
showing all who care to look at you the beauty of your creation

Giddy --- your elation carries you
dancing wherever you please
voice no longer shackled or dismissed as lies

Fly free bird fly
roam like the wind
your wings will never tire, truth has set you free

Endowed with strength and grace
vibrantly colored
you are a master of the sky with more days left to embrace the heavens

In the Foolishness of Man is the Wisdom of God

Why is it not all for naught to you
when I break all of your oaths and willfully pursue
my own pleasures?

Why is it that you, with deep desire welling forth,
look upon me tenderly with grace-filled eyes
like a lover gazing back upon pregnant wife?

Why is it that I find freedom
when I lose all control and abandon myself
to simply live in your perfect desires?

Why is it that you bid me
to go the extra mile in love and likeness to you
rather than out of mere obligation?

Why is it that your love does not stop
for just those I like or call "friend"
but compels me to my knees to bid prayerful honors upon those who hate me?

Why is that I am called your friend and fellow heir
though I act just as those who hate both me and you
hurling insults, marring and scarring wounds upon a creation you called "good"?

Why is that you send your waters
upon your beloved and your yet-to-be Shulamite,
blessing and gracing both with equal, unmerited provisions?

Why is it is that your family extends
beyond flesh and bone and blood piercing the darkness,
enabling countercultural living to become a perfected and pleasing reality?

... because that IS your UNconditional love.

There's A New Song In My Heart (Song)

There's a new song in my heart today,
a song of freedom and of love.
A song birthed out of broken understanding
of who my King is and of what He's done.
A song that calls me to love and forgive
no matter how I've been wronged.
A song that bids me to let all else go
and simply awaken to my Father's gentle voice.
"Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us,
that we may be saved." (Psalm 80.3)

The World is Fallen

The World is fallen
My heart feels it.
My body feels it.
And like the trees and rocks that groan for Christ's return,
My spirit mourns and groans longing for the promised renewal.

The darkness seems to have enveloped me making my way foggy.
I know there is a way out but grasp at air,
My fingers catch no latches and fail to escape the black veil.
How do I let the darkness not permeate my mind?
How do I push away the sadness and broken visions that stare me in the face?

In extreme weariness and service my answer is gifted to me
In the form of mutual laughter, gratitude, and love.
Shackles fall as bonds that constricted now give way to bonds that unify
Hope-filled hearts in those who work in darkness but with vision
To educate and invigorate dreamless and broken lives.

All Because I Smiled at a Stranger

Master planner, creative and wild
Orchestrating the minutest of details
Chance happenings are nothing but a lie
Caring always for our good
Setting the courses of the masses into collisions
All for your glory, your light shining into the dark
Provision in prosperous and ephemeral times
Peace and rest if we trust
Unseen doors revolving, guiding the twists and turns of our lives
Human circle expanding or circle shriveling
Still the beats of footsteps linger in my ear
Marching onward they grow fainter
Until silence pervades on the edge of another day

- From the Words of Friends -

I am not feces.
I am not un-human.
I am not a mistake.
I am not trash.
I am not sick of “ill.”
I do not deserve to be your object of taunts, rejection, and jokes.
I do not deserve your emasculation.
I do not deserve your inequality.
I do not need to be “fixed.”
I am not broken.
I am not prissy or a sissy.
I am not justified in killing myself because of my homosexuality.
I am not expected to hide my public displays of affection.
I am not going to accept a life lived out in fear because of your homophobia.
I will not accept the rejection and defeat of my culture.
These are the lies that daily I must face and fight.

HOMOSEXUAL

Here I am,
Oppressed in my own nation
My manhood (or womanhood) mocked and not validated.
Objections arise to how I live my life.
Since when did my private sexuality become your public concern?
Ears turn toward mouths that tell lies of what being “gay” means
X-cept ... hmm ... I thought it was “accept”-ance that America was founded on.
Understanding and love is what I seek just as you do,
And yet still the global masses try to keep us in the closets and allow our history and
culture to be muted.
Let love and not hate, persecution, or rejection arise against the queers, dykes, and
fags, we who are your equal brothers and sisters of humanity.

Will I Absorb?

Will I, can I, absorb the cost of these
words which cut into me nearly bringing tears?
Before you stood your very own murderers,
yet you said nothing.

Four words of joy spoken into my friend’s life;
a changed countenance and unsolicited commentary.
You let them hit you and spit
their saliva and lies upon you.

I wonder, I know, I will accept this
unintended hurt.
They beat you ripping your skin apart
until you were unrecognizable.

I listen not wanting to fight or argue
saying only what is vital for mutual comprehension.
Below you they mock and scoff.
“Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

The door softly closes as I leave
only out of necessity to take care of urgent business.
Forgiveness and healing enter
eternally into the fabric of the human world.

Each step takes me further away. I resolve to absorb
and not let imaginary conversations with you pervade my cerebellum.
“Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Beloved friend, you do not yet understand
the source of my love for you or how deep it extends.
Please, let your blinded eyes be opened.
Do not let this opportunity to see me embodied pass you.
Allow a wrestling in your heart to pervade until you are drawn to me
and into my Love.

Desperate Conversations With Peace

“Why?” cries the little boy. “Why was I made this way?
Why do I merit scorn in your eyes from myself and the people you’ve created?”

“Do I hate you? Is that your conclusion?
My child, I do not hate my most treasured creation.”

“At school I am mocked, and I must lie to my mother so that I can learn
From older men how to please these urges of my body and theirs.”

“You are forever beloved and always my child.
And those urges you speak of, I created them in holiness.”

“I cannot live my true identity.
My mind is a swirl at times with thoughts of suicide.”

“Your truest identity is in me. And though you go to the deepest of pits,
Still I am there with you.”

“I know no one like me. I live in fear and simply want to be normal
Like the rest of humanity. Oh rid me of these desires!”

“There has never been anyone like me either, and I too have felt great anguish.
To die to self and to trust in Me is to find the freedom you wrestle painfully now for.
You are loved my dear one.”

First Musings of Being in My Friend’s Shoes

What must it be like to be hated
And feared by the masses,
To be misunderstood, stirring and drawing unfounded
Lies out of the hidden recesses of mankind’s hearts?

What is love? Is it a sensation, an overpowering
Urge, reserved only for romantically garnished bedrooms?
Why must friends tell non-truths and daily live double lives
Because of unknown evaluations of partners with matching chromosomes?

Out of hatred and oppression, seeds of love
And complete acceptance come.
They --- in the lack of rejection --- shame and
Indict their mockers.

Love, it is true, is all we need despite
That it --- the greatest of all gifts, love --- is not all we give to others.
Love, not merely a word, but so much more;
Let it captivate you, redefining your entire being.

Contemplation of the Resurrection (Is. 52.13-53.12, Ps. 22)

Let your death and resurrection sink in deeply to my heart. May I feel ...

tender Compassionate Light Forgiveness the cross
Death Humiliation paradigm shift Betrayed Crushed
movement Anguish STRIPES Peace Thorns lamb
violence Covenant Delivered pain sword splitting history
Afflicted.


Up from the resurrection, your disciples thought and dealt with ...

scared tears REJECTED Was it all worth it? Weeping
Distraught failure Have I just foolishly wasted three years of my life?

Stronger

There was no sin that could hold back
my Jesus from the cross.
My Jesus is stronger than anything!

He says to us, “I love you! I cannot
live without you!”
My Jesus is stronger than anything!

Though I am helpless, I am
truly very loved.
My Jesus is stronger than anything!

Lessons From Homosexuality

One slip of the tongue
One comment from a not-so-random stranger
Leads to paradigm shift
Ironic, this shift, my mind is centered back
on my prevalent topic of prayer today

For thousands of years, we’ve gotten it all wrong
For LOVE is what it’s always been about
Yet today seeing the Stonewall Inn and nearby sculptures,
I was powerfully reminded that homosexuality is what
is known for openness, love, and amicability

Why are Christians not known as the “people of love”?
Is it the lingering bad taste of the Crusades, the Inquisition,
abortion clinic bombings, and protest signs spewing “God hates gays!”
What will it take for us to look beyond our differences and reach
out in sincere, unconditional love?
Will we in grace and supernatural strength rise up, moving beyond
fears, perceptions, and pre-conceived notions?

Jesus, forgive us for our hatred and the harm we’ve done time and
time again to our brothers and sisters.
Teach us to love well and empower us to crush wrong mentalities.
Renew and restore and open blind eyes.
Teach us to forgive well. Teach us to love well.

Etheree

What
will I
do to help
those who are the
thrown away people, like trash
they are overlooked and not
valued, laughed at, ridiculed.
Why do I not see them as my
brothers, sisters, friends, mother, father?
Lord, let me not take out the trash today.

Stolen By My Lover

With one glance of my eyes, I have stolen my lover's heart,
and like the master planner he is, he has orchestrated my plans so that we are alone.

I know that all he ever does for me is out of love
and yet, I feel the tears coming yet again at what he has orchestrated.

A simple day out for what I had planned as fun
turned into a series of disasters that left me fighting to pursue his loving thoughts about me.

Though hard to miss clothed in blood red fabric
I am invisible to those around me except for men whose eyes I want to look away.

Loneliness and hunger grow, and yet,
Choice after choice lead me to greater despair.

I feel so foolish crying over what shouldn't be a big deal.
My "drama" in truth is trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Nevermind what the mind knows as truth.
It is the heart that leads now and pulls back unwilling to my lover's draw.

Why does this foolishness hurt?
Why can't I let go of what is insane trivialness?

I am sorry lover that I am a poor object of your affection now.
Yet here I sit waiting to have your banner spread over me.

I can't hold back the tears though I feel I should.
It is painful to mature and learn that you are my joy.

Even still, woo me. Let our intimacy be passionate.
Penetrate deep within until there can be nothing but your joy pouring forth.

I am sorry lover. I am sorry that I fail you and reject you even now.
Come have your garden, your sister, your bride and be intoxicated.

Let us become one anew,
and in our intertwining and restlessness, bring new life.

Blow on my garden
that its fragrance may be spread abroad.

NO CHANGE COMIN' IN (aka White Girl in Da Hood)

This is dedicated to all of the students at Urban Environment (my current school) because I believe in you! I believe that you WILL be open to new ideas and people who are different from you --- whatever that means to you personally --- and to extend yourselves beyond "do or die Bed-Stuy" so that the world will be a better place. Think beyond yourself and what you see with your eyes!


Phat beats be blastin'
Dope cars be passing
Jay-Z and Biggie on the radio
Rollin' lyrics out my window.
No Crips betta come by here
Cuz this where my Bloods show no fear!

Yo, why this White girl rollin' up in here today???
Don't she know to roll elsewhere or has she lost her way?!
She be goin' in that wack school?!
She not lost, just some Cracker fool
Trying to be some Whitey Messiah to OUR kids
Yo sis, Jesus already came so STAY OUT OUR BIZ!!!

We don't want you or need you!
'Sides we know you a snitch too!!!
You think you can change our biz, crack and hood life, here in Marcy?!
Police and Whities always thuggin', can't they let a brotha be!!!
This is our hood, our school, our weaves, our skin
Leave it be. This is what it is; NO CHANGE COMIN' IN!

Through my Mama's eyes

This morning I went to a poetry workshop at my school. The workshops are part of a grant that my school was awarded to combine poetry and music for a performance in May. (I am teaching the music part of these workshops). We were asked to write about ourselves through the eyes of someone else. I chose my mom because I was thinking about her this morning when I woke up. While writing, I pictured my mom doing some mundane task when her mind gently drifts to thoughts of me. Thus, a poem to celebrate her love for me and the seven month of my life in NYC.


Transitioning. She still marches to the beat
of her own band.
1,200 miles away living her dreams. I miss her so,
but life is easier because of Calvin.
Calvin, I love him so. He pleases me so and brings me
peace after over two years of divorce.
It was hard to have peace with Kenny.
How my daughter loves him so and favors him.
Her hands, her hair, her music, her pig-headedness
They remind me of Kenny and ...
Well, enough about Kenny. I don’t want
to dwell on him but to dwell sweetly on my daughter.
Amanda, I am so proud of her. She has a heart
for Jesus and is now serving in NYC.
I saw it coming. She is a lover of danger and
adventure which will probably lead one day to death.
I am happy for you my daughter (though I miss you so),
and I know the City suits you well.
You love beauty and art just for the sake of both ...
and well, New York is big enough that it’s got to be there.
I know that you look forward to seeing me there
eventually. I hope others have already visited you.
My thoughts are starting to wander now but
my love for you never will. Amanda. ♥

Salvation from Tears

A poem I was just inspired to write ...

Tears falling down
As I look at pictures
And pour out my heart
To my Abba

Daddy, please save them I cry.

Sitting on the train
I look around
And think the guy with
The dreads and plaid pants
Is really hot
I look away to not look too long
And it moves my heart

Daddy, please save them I cry.

I have been here before
Moved to tears for those I love
Wondering why I don't cry more
For the lost, for the unknown all around me
Who still need you Jesus

Daddy, please save them I cry.

Will my heart stay soft and broken?
Will I intercede for others?
Will I spend myself on their behalf?
Will I take the crap as Jesus did so
That there need only be one Savior?

Daddy, please save them I cry.